6 weeks and counting

Sorry its been a few days between updates.

The Diagnosis almost a week ago really hit us for six as a family. I remember driving home from the hospital that day, the thought of loosing my daughter had me in tears the whole way home. I called my Mum and tried not to cry but I simply couldnt stop the tears from flowing.

I knew it was bad news as soon as we got to the hospital and we were directed to the "quiet room", I didnt cry in the meeting, but as soon as the Dr and nurse left the room I just broke down, and as always Michael was there to tell me that somehow we will get through this together as a family.

The future for Sarah is so unclear, I wish to wake up tomorrow and this has all been a dream, but I know that isn't going to happen. Some days are easier than others, some days I am just an emotional wreck that just keeps on putting on foot in front of another just to get through the day.

I saw my OB today for my 6 week postpartum check, it was such a sad day for me, usually I am attending this appointment with a baby in tow, sitting in the waiting room with my baby and so it was fairly emotional, then came the news that as my bleeding still hasnt stopped that I need to go back to theatre for a curette to clean out my uterus, good thing is he can put a mirena in at the same time. So its booked for Friday, I am sure that he thought I was abit crazy when I said I cant possibly go back to the Mercy on Friday to have it done, I just cant go back there right now, its where life threw me on this road and I just cant go there, not yet. Quite possibly a very irrational thought, and its something I will work through with time, but right now I just cant.

Had my mum and sister down on the weekend and that was great and they were able to hold Sarah for the first time so that was pretty special.

Ive had alot of people ask how is Sarah going and the short answer is she s hanging in there, there really is no change in her conidton, she is still only on minimal feeds, still on TPN and they continue to chase her sugar levels.

Medically speaking they are doing everything they can for Sarah, they will manage her symptoms and keep as as comfortable as possible, right now she is not showing any tell tale signs of Liver damage and her LFT's are still within a normal range, she was looking slightly yellow yesterday and this is being monitored, it cant be too bad though as she is not under lights yet.

Jessica must have overheard Michael and I talking though cause she came into my room on Thursday night and said "Mummy is Sarah going to die" I didnt know what to say so I just said Im not sure, I just dont know how much to tell the kids and even how to tell them so for now I am avoiding the subject.

Its a hard road thats for sure, its a road that I wish we were never on and a road I wouldnt wish on anyone at all.

Sarah darling - Mummy and Daddy love you very much and hope and pray that you prove everyone wrong and go on to live a happy and healthy life with us